Monday, 20 February 2017

Turning 22

So, I turned 22 last week.

To be honest, I did not plan and surely did not expect any celebrations or whatsoever. I guess I just wasn't in any celebratory mood. And to be honest (again, because its the best policy, wtf), I was waaaay okay with not celebrating my birthday. I didn't think there'd be anything to celebrate about and I didn't think I deserved any form of celebration (boo, *self pity*, boo). Being away from home and family, I expected my birthday to be insignificant, which would be totally reasonable.

My 22nd birthday was full of surprises, literally. My girlfriends surprised me at midnight with lots of cakes and gifts. Later in the day, just when I thought all surprises were over, Brienne Lee surprised me at lunch, all the way from Leeds. The next day, my mates from my bible study group surprised me with a cake at night. I'd love to share about the celebrations in more detail, but I'd also like to selfishly keep these memories to myself and not overshare.

Anyway, that's not the point.

On my 22nd birthday, I felt insignificant and accepted that I was. I did not see my birthday as an occasion to celebrate and surely did not think I deserved anything.
On my 22nd birthday, I am so thankful that the people around me thought otherwise.
I am thankful that I was surrounded by people who reminded me that I am significant and that I deserve to be celebrated.
Thank you all for the wishes, the cards, the cakes, the love, the gifts.
As cliché as it sounds, the best gift was being reminded of how loved I am, whether near or far.

On my 22nd birthday, my heart was full.

Happy 22nd anniversary, life.

Sunday, 12 February 2017

Hello 2017

2017 has been off to a shit start for me, personally.

I've been dealing with so much shit lately and even though its only February, I can safely say that I've been through the lowest of my lows for this year, and possibly ever in my life

I've been going through a really rough time here in the UK the past few weeks and by rough time, I don't mean the average FML moments or student-life/friend/relationship drama. I feel like I've actually hit rock bottom and have been so shaken that I have lost all confidence in myself and my choices in life. 
In short, my life has been shit so far, but that's not really the point.

I'm writing this not so much to complain about how shit my life is but rather to serve a reminder to myself that it may be a bad day (or in this case very, very, very bad few weeks), but its not a bad life.
I guess I want to remind myself and anyone who is going through a really difficult time, that the best part of hitting rock bottom is that there's only one way to go --> up. 
And that is exactly how I plan to spend the rest of my 2017 - dusting the dirt off my knees and picking myself back up, slowly but surely.

I also want to remind myself that I have a great support system behind me and I am so, so grateful for them, especially my family. I know I wouldn't still be here if it were not for the love and support I received.

Life is tough, but you are tougher 💪

Hello 2017, I've been knocked down but I'm ready to get up now 😊


Saturday, 31 December 2016

Dear 2016,

You were one hell of a confusing/weird year.

We started off on a good note - having Mcd as my first meal for 2016. #sponsormeMcd

I completed my first year of my LLB and left Taylor's University.
I bummed around for the first 3 months of 2016, procrastinating my university applications, etc.
I turned 21 with the most unconventional cakes - a nugget cake, an ice cream cake, a pizza cake and cupcakes.

I did some internships which was quite a love/hate thing.
I questioned myself over life choices - my university offers, my career prospects and even considered dropping my degree.

I enjoyed life, sneaking in a couple of concerts, road trips and some travelling.
I fell deeper in love and am still falling in love.

I spent good quality time with family, friends, pets and myself.
I also spent bad quality time self-doubting and self-hating.

I pulled myself together and took a leap of faith - transferring to a UK university alone.
I left my family, friends, pets, basically my life back in Malaysia.
I joined #teamLDR.

I made new family, friends, basically made a new life in the UK.
I did not make a new boyfriend.

I learnt to manage my time, my finance, my emotions - basically manage my life.
I am still learning to manage my time, my finance, my emotions and basically my life.

I walked alone, cooked alone, ate alone and travelled alone.
I walked together, cooked together, ate together and travelled together with friends.

I did many things alone, but I was not lonely doing many things.

2016 was a year of feeling in the middle, feeling average and feeling mediocre.
2016 was a year of old, new and temporary experiences.
2016 was the year I sort of lost myself, sort of found myself and sort of started looking for myself again.

I am grateful for all that 2016 has offered me - the ups, the downs and the in betweens.

RIP 2016 - can't say you were a great year, but you were not too bad.


Thursday, 29 September 2016


It's me.

I've recently just transferred to the UK for the remainder of my studies and I guess I thought it'd be a good time to start writing again. Plus, I've got some time on my hands now so why not (I'd probably regret saying this).

Content in this space would probably revolve around student life, specifically student life abroad and other uni or life shenanigans. Also hoping to use this space to document and share some of my thoughts and experience and memories.

Here's to hoping I don't abandon this space after 2 weeks.